I’ll be the judge, you’ll be the jury.

On today’s episode of the Fashion Diaries, I’ll be the judge, you’ll be the jury. Judge Judy style. She doesn’t have a jury but you get the drift. I’m gonna let some pet peeves off my chest today. You, know to switch up things around here.

I have always had a side-eye to everything and I mean everything and I mean a damn thing. I’m not a negative Nancy or anything like that though, I just love being spot on and outspoken. Case in point- If our accountant wears the same shirt thrice a week, I’m that person who’ll notice.

What I’ve been overwhelmingly appreciative of lately are the rains! dunno how to channel my excitement into words guys. But, thank you, Jesus. The timing was perfect. Lot’s of water is the solution to some of our social ‘problems’. I think it’s safe to say that I speak for the masses on this. Most of us were dying of the foul smell of weaves that have been on heads for what seems dog years now. They were probably installed a week ago but the heat and its processes were portraying a different image. Or smell. Especially the smell.

If you haven’t sat next to someone in a matatu with smelly feet, more power to you sis. Those are the times you just ask God if He is punishing you for skipping church on Sunday. Or not tithing faithfully. Once upon a time, I sat next to a guy and I immediately knew that It was gonna be the journey of a thousand miles. Figuratively speaking. Not literally. I had to share my gum with them after they uttered their first word. Like that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t get the windows to open. It couldn’t possibly get any worse. #fixitjesus

It did get worse.

His pickup lines were wanting! I could see the struggle. He probably saw it too. But he kept on going and going. I needed him to shush because his bad breath was suffocating me. For my lack of patience, I had to just slip on my earphones. Survival hack ladies and gentlemen- always carry your earphones. You never know when you will need them.

It’s in 2019. Stop using lame lines like ‘Btw you look familiar’. No sis, I don’t. (Btw ‘sis’ is gender neutral lol). That line is old and worn out now. Be creative. And while at it, do something about the bad breath. I dunno about you but it really is a turnoff. Maybe that’s why you are still single. I dunno.

Dates are cool guys. But you know what’s cooler? Managing your expectations. Lower them even. By doing so, you cushion yourself against disappointments. Low expectations=minimal disappointments. I think we’ve all learnt this through experience?

Many moons ago. I went on a blind date and guess who ended up paying for everything? Yours truly. Please note the guy asked me out first. I was like, damn he’s chivalrous! It ended up being a total waste of lashes, foundation, lipstick and time spent to make myself up. Total disrespect to my bed.

The guy seemed quite unsure of himself and a beginner in the journey of his self-discovery. I felt like the man of the hour. I just had to finish off by paying his Uber. Just wow! But it was a bye Felicia moment for me! If you asked a guy out would you pay for the bill? I totally would. But would you even ask a guy out? Food for thought huh?

We should do this more often, no?

Till next time


Jersey sheath dress- http://www.vivoactivewear.com

Shoes- Backyardshoez (Instagram)

Photo Credits- http://www.rayalreelphotography.co.ke

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