It’s the cupid season. This time around, I can’t really relate to all the fuss and buzz.

On the real though, why are you still single? 

Before you indulge me, here’s my reason.

Personal space is really huge for me and having no expectations on a human being is just priceless. But here’s the catch, being intimately secluded is addictive, for me at least. Bonuses? You really get to fall in love with you and are totally okay with it. You learn what you want in a partner, your non-negotiables and deal breakers and stuff like that. 

You also sorta start intimidating men whose confidence is the depth of a spoon. You got your shit together, not like 100% but close lol. Your goals and achievements evolve from basic to #BossBabe levels. 

Do you know what that means? Your guess is as good as mine. 

When a man is with a woman who is more driven than he is, it swallows up his security. If he’s insecure, he’ll make it his mission to dim the woman’s light. After raining on that parade, he’ll go further to seek out a woman whose level of ambition matches or is lower than his. The kind of a woman who will look up to him and be satisfied with his (not too ambitious) ambition.

Here are my two cents. I learnt this the hard way. Men always say what they mean. We just employ selective hearing. A man who is not interested in something serious will say it straight up. They don’t mince words these ones. If a man is only interested in sex, he won’t have any qualms about voicing it. ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time’.

You’ve heard this before-no amount of loving or homemaking can turn around an emotionally unavailable man. Something to do with his subconsciousness being filled with a deep-seated fear of intimacy. I think that’s how psychologists put it, in layman terms. Such relationships will drain the life outta you, sucks every ounce of energy.

Maybe one way of not getting here is not trying to change someone. I mean, he’s not clay you can just mould into whatever. Not settling for a man you think he can become is also a pretty good preventive measure.

We often attract who we are. The universe just vibrates to match whatever energy you ooze out. Opposites do not attract. If you are attracting unavailable, insecure men it is possible that you have your own concealed fear of commitment. You just don’t realize it. Introspection, therapy, talking to someone and simply dropping unhealthy coping mechanisms will probably fix that. 

We’re queens. You know it, I know it. Sometimes they don’t wanna see it. Bottom line, we deserve better. How about waking up and smelling the cheese before it gets old?

I’m no certified psychologist or any fancy ‘mind-reading’ professional but I have been your doctor love today.

Till next week, stay loved!

Wamuhu

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